I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
