yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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