They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Quick, to the slutcave!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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