He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
