I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
