Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
