We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
