She went from zero to smokin in five shots
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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