A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
