its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Can I color on your dick again?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
