can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
