conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
