At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
