had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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