I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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