why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize