That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
