i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
They have beer where we have blood.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
