Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I need a beard to bite.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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