I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
