I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
