If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
