I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
