you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
