I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
