hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
