Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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