after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
