two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
