she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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