i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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