I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
