he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
