I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
