Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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