Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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