last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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