don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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