It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize