Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
