My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
