You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
