i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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