Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
