Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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