you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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