Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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