No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
