I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
