if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
