are you so shy because you have an std?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
