This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
