At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i've created a new STD.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
