last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
