Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
