Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
