Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Rumble strips road head = magical
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
