And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
