Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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