please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
