you have to choose: penises or morals?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
