The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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