It's Friday. Sex?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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