exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
