I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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