Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
