I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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