I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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