then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
