If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
