don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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