Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
