thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
