he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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