With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize