I hate all girls vehemently.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
