I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
