I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
