It's Friday. Sex?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It was confusing and full of hummus
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
