But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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