I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
