Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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