I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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