: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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