Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
