Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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