I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
