tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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