I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
