I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
