Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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