What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We named our party play list daddy issues
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
