We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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