Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
