so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
