got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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