Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize