FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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