For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
