SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize