So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
