WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
