yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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