she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
