I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
