is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
