she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
