Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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