He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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