So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
